Why The Next Boss Doesn't Have To Be English

Sam Allardyce or Stuart Pearce could be the next England manager, not for anything so trivial as their tactical acumen or man-management skills, but because they’re the exact opposite of the current man. Sven is foreign and reserved, while Allardyce is English and outspoken. Sven sits inanimate in the dugout, while Pearce gesticulates like an epileptic at a strobe-lit disco.

45eachway believes this because The FA has a depressing history of reactionary appointments. Each inbound manager is chosen as a reaction against the outbound man:


Terry Venables did a great job, missing out on the Euro ’96 final on penalties. Certain players of that era (Shearer, Sherringham etc) still call him ‘gaffer’, but the FA weren’t keen to offer him a new contract because of his shady business dealings. So, the man they perceived to be of questionable moral fibre was replaced with a God-fearing Christian.


Glenn Hoddle’s version of Christianity turned out to be a little extreme, and he was fired for insulting the disabled. But his key football failing was his unpopularity with the players. Remember Eileen Drewery, the claims that Owen “wasn’t a natural finisher” (how mental does that sounds now?), players being told to feign injuries and, worst of all, the tell all World Cup diary? No one wanted to play for him, so Hoddle was replaced by the man all the players wanted to play for.


Kevin Keegan remained popular on a personal level, but lost everyone’s respect (players, fans, media) with his tactical ineptness. England failed to produce Keegan’s trademark brand of attacking football because he was consistently outmanoeuvred by superior tacticians. Keegan coached with his heart, not with his head, and the result was we lost our last ever game at Wembley 1-0 to our fiercest rivals (what? no, Scotland don’t count any more). The emotional, tactically naïve Keegan left, taking his Ladybird Big Book Of Tactics with him. His replacement was a tactically astute (we thought) ice-cool Swede.


Now’s not the time to continue the pattern of bouncing back and forth between opposites. Now's the time to forget what’s gone before and appoint the new man based entirely on his qualifications. The next England manager should get the job because of what he is, not because of what he isn’t.

We Pick The New England Boss

It's official then, Sven will be moving on after the World Cup. Did he jump? Was he pushed? Does it matter? He's going, and all we care about (apart from winning the World Cup of course) is who next for the Soho-Square hot-chair?

45eachway has it's own shortlist down to eleven men. Five Englishmen, five foreigners and one inbetweener.

Englishmen:

Sam Allardyce
Alan Curbishley
Steve McLaren
Stuart Pearce
Bryan Robson

Foreigners:

Guus Hiddink
Ottmar Hitzfeld
Luiz Felipe Scolari
Jose Mourinho
Arsene Wenger

The Inbetweener:

Martin O'Neill

Despite what 45eachway may have said earlier the English prospects don't fill us with confidence. Their respective shortcomings could be summed up as: long-ball, Champions League?, Middles'bore', experience and Bradford.

This leaves Martin O'Neill as the only quasi-non foreigner. On the upside the Northern Ireland flag looks a lot like the England flag (if you squint hard enough you can't tell them apart) and 45eachway thinks he'd do a great job, but it's common knowledge that due to personal reasons he's not seeking work.

This leaves the five foreigners, all of whom have excellent credentials. 45eachway would most like to see Jose Mourinho installed at FA HQ if only because he can't stop winning things. You get the feeling he's the manager to have in a penalty shoot out. But he'll be difficult (read: expensive) to tear away from the Chelsea bosom and has expressed a desire to someday manage Portugal, not England.

Arsene Wenger is similarly qualified and we'd love to see England playing the Frenchman's brand of football. However, he would be similarly difficult to remove from Arsenal, especially now he's all excited to cut the ribbon at Ashburton Grove next August. Which leaves us with the three men who will be actively seeking work next July.

Ottmar Hitzfeld was highly successful, winning the Champions League with both Bayern and Dortmund. He's currently on a career break to spend more time with his family (45eachway thinks of it as middle-aged man's gap year) but is looking to get back in the game.

Guus Hiddink will be available after taking his yet another country (Australia) to the World Cup this summer. He's the very definition of a successful international manager, taking tiny (we mean that literally) South Korea to the World Cup semis in 2002, although the FA will be unlikely to let the current PSV boss do the job part-time.

Luiz Felipe Scolari is a World Cup winning manager. You can't argue with that can you? More importantly he is the man who knocked Sven's England out of both World Cup '02 (with Brazil) and Euro '04 (with Portugal). He's set to vacate the Portuguese hotseat after the World Cup and 45eachway says "if you can't beat 'em, give 'em a multi-million pound two year contract."

Eriksson's Loyalty Rewarded By Players

It's been a week since 'Sven-Gate' or whatever it's called and 45eachway has noticed the lack of England players willing to jump on News Of The World's rickety old bandwagon and criticize the boss-man.

45eachway has often criticized Sven for being too loyal, rearranging the team to accomodate 'Quarterbecks' against Wales and Northern Ireland for example, or sticking by Owen Hargreaves despite all available evidence. But that blinkered loyalty has served Sven well.

How many other managers could (more or less) say Owen's a moneygrabber, Rooney's a chav, and Rio's lazy and get away with it? Not many. They may be seething in private (though Rio needed telling) but they've been very polite in public. Now, like Marlon Brando did with that undertaker in "The Godfather", Sven is calling in the favours, and the moneygrabber, the chav and the lazy centre-back are repaying his loyalty with a little of their own.

His Name Is Rio And He Dances In Midfield?

In the 62nd minute of Man Utd's 5-0 win over plucky(tm) Burton Albion, Fergie did something that made 45eachway cry "Eureka!" He brought Rio Ferdinand off the bench and gave him a run out in midfield.

The idea that Alan Smith could become a defensive midfielder now looks ridiculous, but Rio seems ideally suited to the role. Doubts over his concentration have damaged his reputation as a top-class defender, to the point that 45eachway prefers to see Terry and Campbell starting in England shirts. But as a holding midfielder...

He's a ball winner, he's got a great first touch and sprays the ball about with the best of them. He always looks most comfortable striding out from the back, ball at his feet. So why not liberate him from the discipline of defending that he finds so difficult and let him loose in midfield?

45eachway can see Rio doing this job for England in the future, like a long-legged Claude Makelele. The experiment with Ledley King was semi-successful but Rio's comfort on the ball make him a more suitable choice.

Sven Should Always Be This Candid

Pitiful as the News Of The World 'fake sheikh' sting was, it's somehow comforting to hear that Sven's views on certain players are in synch with reality. 45eachway will sleep better at night knowing Sven shares our views on Rio Ferdinand.

In this era of spin, media savvy managers always have their guard up, making things like press conferences more or less pointless. But what if...

...what if every time Sven sat at that long table full of microphones and whichever Sky Sports News anchor was on duty (we like Kelly Dalglish) said "and now we go over to the England press conference with Sven Goran Eriksson", what if instead of the usual "We did a good game" snoozefest Sven told it like it was.

I would love to hear Sven saying things like "David James was a disaster, he won't be playing in the next game," or "What the hell is wrong with Gerrard? He always looks so good in a Liverpool shirt."

Latest Sven-Gate Is A Disgrace... to Journalism

This whole 'SvenGate' thing is a disgrace. Not to English football but to journalism. The News Of The World have basically trapped and smeared the England manager. Worse, they insult the public's knowledge by sensationalising things those of us with intelligence already know.

45eachway never thought we'd be quoting the News Of The World, but here is the opening paragraph to their recent article:

SCHEMING Sven Goran Eriksson is secretly preparing to DUMP England immediately after the World Cup, the News of the World can reveal.

It's great that they've mastered the basics of alliteration, and that they've found the CAPSLOCK, but what are they 'revealing'? It was one of those trademark 'worst kept secrets in football' that Sven would be on his way post World Cup if we either won it or underperformed.

As for the other 'revelations':

Michael Owen is "not really happy" at Newcastle

Really? We had no idea. He seemed so keen to move there in the summer, and we assumed the Scouse striker had always dreamed of sitting 13th in the table with a club from the North-East while Liverpool challenged for honours.

Wayne Rooney has "a temper sometimes" and comes from a 'rough' family

Does he? He seems like such a nice young man.

Rio Ferdinand is "lazy sometimes"

No kidding.

45eachway sees nothing wrong with Sven discussing his future post-Soho Square. He's not proposing ditching England before the World Cup. He's not Don Revie, but NOTW are more than happy to suggest otherwise. Further, they suggest this proves his mind is not on the World Cup. It's six months until the World Cup, with just three friendlies inbetween. Do they expect the Swede to lock himself in his F.A. office until then?

45eachways biggest problem is that this is 'manufactured news'. The whole "fake sheikh" sting apparently took NOTW six months and £100,000 to prepare. They spent that much time and that much money setting a trap to derail the England manager, and therefore the England team, as they were heading into the World Cup. When you see patriotic celebratory headlines all over NOTW this June and July, remember how cynical they are.

Ashley Cole Makes Welcome Return To Action

Ashley Cole made a welcome return to action this weekend, coming on as a 35th minute sub for Pascal Cygan in Arsenal's 7-0 mauling of Middlesborough. It was Cole's first appearance since he broke his foot against Birmingham on October 2nd 2005.

Arsenal fans are still sweating over Cole's possible desertion to Real Madrid, but England fans will be glad to see Sven's first choice left back playing again.

Arsenal To Sign Walcott?

We know you've already seen this somewhere else but let's get it over with so we can move onto the interesting bit:

Arsenal are on the verge of signing English wunderkind Theo Walcott from Southampton. Depending on who you believe, the fee will be somewhere between ten and fifteen million pounds. Now...

The Interesting Bit

What interests (and pleases) 45eachway most about this deal is the rumour that it will involve an immediate loan back thingy. This means that little Theo won't go from Championship starlet to Pontins League (is it still called that?) loser overnight. Seems Arsenal have learned from the mistakes they made with other young English talent. Jermaine Pennant and Matthew Upson were both bought in for big money as teenagers but then left to rot in the reserves for far too long.

A loan back to Southampton means Walcott would continue to develop in the Championship, safe in the knowledge that his future at a Big Club is secure. This can only be good for the future of the England team.

45eachway also takes heart from the encouraging number of what dads everywhere call "good old fashioned wingers". Since the likes of John Barnes and Chris Waddle retired we've had to make do with either second rate wide men like Andy Sinton or settle for four midfielders like we do now (we love Joe Cole and David Beckham, but they're not 'wingers', not in the way dads mean it). Now we can look to a future England team containing Shaun Wright-Phillips, Stewart Downing, Aaron Lennon, Wayne Routledge and Theo Walcott. Maybe not all at the same time, but you get the point.

Looking Back On Five Years Of Sven

It's Sven Goran Eriksson's five year anniversary as England coach today and 45eachway would like to mark this special occasion with five pros and cons from Sven's half a decade(!) in charge. As you always should, we give the bad news first:

Bad News

Rubbish friendlies (except the Argentina one)

Allows 'star players' like Beckham to exert too much influence

Sticks by out of form players for too long (see Andy Cole, Emile Heskey) until they move to less fashionable clubs (see Andy Cole, Emile Heskey)

Ineffective substitutions in big matches (Brazil, Portugal etc)

Northern Ireland 1-0 England

Good News

Qualified for every tournament going

Knows his first eleven, give or take one centre back

We're better now than when he started

Solved the infamous 'left sided' problem (sort of)

Germany 1-5 England

There are still complaints that Sven is not English, but
a) that's not his fault, and
b) who else was there in January 2001? Peter Reid? Exactly.

45eachway hopes we'll look back on Sven as an excellent foreign stop gap for a period when decent English gaffers were thin on the ground. There are some other things we're not keen on (the sex scandals, the extortionate salary) but they don't really affect what happens on the pitch. There's Owen Hargreaves too, but even he's not that bad.

Sven must be doing something right to have stayed in such a high pressure job for so long, and England really are looking quite good in the run up to Germany. So, Mr. Eriksson, on your five year anniversary we salute you. Now go win us the World Cup.

FA England Player Of The Year 2005

Visit The FA website to vote for your FA England Player Of The Year for 2005. David Beckham won the trophy in 2003, Frank Lampard in 2004 and every player who represented England in 2005 is eligible for this years award. Even Zat Knight.

We know the trophy (pictured) looks like the one you got from your Under 14's Sunday team, but as it's decided by the fans it should mean something to the winner.

After due consideration over a hot cuppa 45eachway decided Paul Robinson was the man. If you do go and vote then come back and let us know in the comments section.

Mourinho Won't Let England Men Leave Until Summer

Jose Mourinho's "Anyone who isn't happy here can leave" comments were reported by countless websites yesterday (including this one) and interpreted to mean that out of favour England hopefuls Wayne Bridge and Shaun Wright-Phillips could move on in the Janury transfer window if they feared for their World Cup places.

The Independent are contradicting these reports today, claiming that whatever Mourinho says in public, in private he's told players they're going nowhere. He will listen to offers for unhappy players, but the moves won't happen until the summer.

While Chelsea have a sizeable squad, they could regret losing players like Bridge and SWP and it seems reasonable to assume Mourinho will put Chelsea's needs ahead of England's.

Downing Not Out Of World Cup Contention

Forgotten man Stewart Downing begins the long road back to the England squad tonight when he lines up for Middlesbrough's reserve team. If all goes well he could be in the first team squad travelling to Arsenal on Saturday, and from there he could force his way back into Sven-Goran Eriksson's England thinking.

21-year old Downing made his international debut against Holland in February 2005, and is one of the few naturally left sided midfielders available to Sven. He's been out of action since September 2005 with a knee injury that required surgery.

Joe Cole has made England's left side his own recently but an in-form Downing will offer England some genuine width and 45eachway hopes to see him running around in an England shirt with his tongue hanging out (see picture) in the March friendly against Uruguay.

Source: The Guardian

Dwight Yorke 'did a dance' When T&T Drew England

Dwight Yorke has told The Independent that he "was dancing around the room" when he saw that Trinidad had drawn England in World Cup Group B. The Socca Warriors captain also talked up his countries chances of upsetting the odds.

I know we're talking about the minnow against the might of world football, but it's still 11 versus 11 and anything could happen on such a big occasion. Nothing is a foregone conclusion any more, the days of 10-0, 12-0, have gone.

So 11-0 to England then?

Actually, 45eachway suspects Trinidad beating England is a story waiting to happen in Germany, with former Man Utd forward Yorke destined to score the winner.

England often talk the talk about 'respecting the opposition' and 'no easy games in international football' before going out and losing to teams like Northern Ireland.

Mourinho Opens Door For Unhappy England Men

World Cup Latest report that Jose Mourinho is willing to let his frustrated England hopefuls move on. The exact (unsourced) quote is:

Anyone who isn't happy here can leave. I know Wayne Bridge needs to play football, but Chelsea need to win matches. A Chelsea manager chooses, in his opinion, the players who are in better condition to play matches. Of course I want to help Bridge and give him some matches because he is a very good player who wants to come back to a high level. But if I feel that Gallas or Del Horno are the best options for me I cannot think with my heart.

The same presumably applies to Shaun Wright-Phillips - who has fallen behind Arjen Robben, Damien Duff and Joe Cole - and to Glen Johnson, who has fallen behind just about everyone.

Glen Johnson's suicidal England performances mean his immediate future will not concern Sven-Goran Eriksson too much. Johnson has been linked with a move back to West Ham, a sinking ship he abandoned two summers ago only to see it re-emerge like some heavenly life raft.

An in-form Bridge and Wright-Phillips are England's second string left-back and right-mid respectively. Latest rumours link Bridge with a move to Newcastle, though Toon boss Graeme Souness's future looks uncertain*. Wright-Phillips would be an asset to any Premiership club (except Chelsea, apparently) though Chelsea would struggle to recoup the £20million plus they handed to Man City last summer.

*by uncertain we mean he will be sacked any day now.

Owen Hargreaves: Basketball Blogger

Turns out Owen Hargreaves really is versatile. He's been supplementing his Bayern Munich wages by writing a blog for the official NBA wesite, as part of their "Blogsquad".

Seems Mr. Hargreaves is about as prolific on his blog as he is in an England shirt though. His first entry was December 14th 2005 and three weeks later the good people at the NBA website are still waiting for his follow-up. Still, he'll have plenty of time on the England bench this summer to catch up. Here are two nuggets of information we found in that sole entry (one interesting, one not so much):

Nugget 1: Hargreaves wears the number 23 shirt at Bayern Munich as a tribute to Michael Jordan.

Nugget 2: Hargreaves uses his transcontinental perspective to tell us that "in general the guys from Europe and South America prefer soccer, I guess."

Hargreaves NBA Blog was initially spotted by the good people at World Cup Blog

Owen Hargreaves: left mid, right mid, centre mid, right back, art dealer?

Did you know that if you Google "Owen Hargreaves" the top search result is this website for a Hoxton gallery specialising in African tribal art. 45eachway feels like this means something but we're not sure what it is.

Move Now or Book Your Summer Holidays

With the transfer window well and truly open the England hopefuls below would be well advised to move clubs before January 31st and get themselves some regular action.

Wayne Bridge (Chelsea)

WHY: Was neck and neck with Ashley Cole, then he was definite second choice, now we're not quite sure where he stands. Some regular football between now and the summer would guarantee a trip to Germany.

WHERE: Liverpool seems ideal. If Djimi Traore can get a game for the European champions then anyone can.

Shaun Wright-Phillips (Chelsea, again)

WHY: Last seasons golden boy but now reduced to 30 minutes here and there for Chelsea. Desperately needs to impress in the Premiership, it's not as if he can point to his England performances.

WHERE: Back at Man City would be great, but they can't afford him. Arsenal would be the clever destination, as it would have been in the summer.

Kieran Richardson (Man Utd)

WHY: Competition for United's left wing spot is Park, Giggs and Ronaldo, plus Fergie has just signed Patrice Evra for £5.5 million so any further games at left back are out.

WHERE: Back to West Brom, maybe on loan again, but could also play for a team higher up the table.

Andy Johnson (Crystal Palace)

WHY: Championship goals don't count.

WHERE: Anywhere in the Premier League would do. Man City, Newcastle and Villa are always after a striker.

Jermaine Defoe, Aaron Lennon (Tottenham Hotspur)

WHY: Martin Jol isn't doing them any favours. He's told Defoe he can be a sub and still go to the World Cup, while he's said Lennon probably won't go and should spend more time in the Under-21s.

WHERE: Somewhere with a more supportive manager.

One man going nowhere though, according to Jose Mourinho is Frank Lampard, who the Chelsea boss says will stay at Stamford Bridge "until the end of his career."

England Friendlies and a Bad Joke

England have finalized their friendly fixtures leading up to the World Cup. It looks like this:

March 1st vs. Uruguay at Anfield
May 30th vs. Hungary at Wembley (maybe)
June 3rd vs. Jamaica at Wembley (maybe)

Those with Geography GCSE's will notice Uruguay and Jamaica's proximity to Paraguay and Trinidad, with the powers that be believing this will help the players 'get used' to their World Cup opponents style of play.

45eachway has never believed this reductive thinking to be a good idea. No two footballing nations are the same even if they are superficially similar, so such friendlies provide players with false expectations.

At least the June 3rd game will provide someone somewhere with an opportunity to use this joke:

-"I took my girlfriend to the England game last night"
-"Really? Jamaica?"
-"No, she wanted to go."

Jol Consoles Defoe

Poor Jermaine Defoe. The Tottenham hitman was overtaken in the England pecking order by Peter Crouch this year, and that was during Crouch's infamous goal drought. Now Crouch can't stop scoring and Darren Bent keeps notching for Charlton, while Defoe has fallen behind Robbie Keane and his rubbish celebration in Martin Jol's thinking.

Martin Jol has tried to console his forward, saying ""I don't think it makes it difficult for the England manager to pick Defoe. If he is not starting games for us he will still go to Germany."

Maybe, but only if he's booked a Bavarian holiday. 45eachway thinks Sven will only take 4 strikers to Germany. Rooney and Owen's names are already in permanent marker while Crouch provides an extra dimension. That leaves Defoe scrapping it out with Bent, Smith, Vassell and Heskey.

Football 365 World Cup Ladder Update

The good people at Football 365 have updated their Famous World Cup Ladder which tracks the top 50 contenders for England's 23-man World Cup Squad. It's a bit like the Top 40 music chart, but with footballers.

You can visit the link to see the ladder in full (plus wry comments), but 45eachway can tell you the movers and shakers:

Wayne Rooney keeps his spot at number 1, while in-form Steve Gerrard is up from 4 to 2 switching places with Michael Owen, who is down from 2 to 4 following his injury.

The big news is that Shaun Wright-Phillips has dropped outside the top 23, falling from 20 to 24, a combination of not playing for Chelsea and his dad calling Sven a wet fish.

They optimistically place Owen Hargreaves at 28 with the explanation "We're hoping that Sven's forgotten him. We sometimes do."

New entries in the top 50 are Jermaine Pennant at 40, Gary O'Neill at 45, Andy Johnson at 47 and one-cap wonder Gavin McCann at 49.

45eachway's new hero Mr. Nigel Reo-Coker didn't make the list.

That link again is: Football 365's Famous World Cup Ladder

That Reo-Coker Tackle On Essien Again

45eachway wouldn't normally condone such behaviour but we're willing to make an exception in this case. It's fair to say Michael Essien had it coming (certainly Didi Hamman and Tal Ben Haim would agree) and we can't help feeling ever so slightly proud of Nigel Reo-Coker.

Wonder what Sven thinks though...

Reo-Coker For England?

45eachway was impressed with Nigel Reo-Coker's hard man tackle on Michael Essien this afternoon. Could the West Ham man be the midfield enforcer Sven's been looking for?

No Holds Barred

Sven Goran-Eriksson's been telling Sky Sports News that he'll consider using a holding midfielder in Germany. Steve Gerrard and Frank Lampard remain his first choice central midfield pairing (with the ever optimistic Eriksson still labouring under the delusion they'll learn to play together) but it seems Sven wants a proper defensive midfielder for holding on to slim leads.

"It's one area which we are going to look at, that's for sure, because maybe you need it at some stage in the World Cup," said the bespectacled one. "There's time for other players to knock on the door. I will open it maybe."

Players looking to wedge their foot into said door like rabid Jehova's Witnesses include:

Ledley King

Has done the job for England, but we all know he's really a defender, and Senor Riquelme gave him the runaround in November.

Alan Smith

Sort of doing the job for Man Utd, but we all know he's really a striker. The poor man's Roy Keane.

Joey Barton

He's doing it for Man City, but you wouldn't trust him with the cigars would you?

Scott Parker

Been doing a great Makelele impression for Newcastle but Sven keeps looking the other way.

Michael Carrick

The classy passy choice but not a holding midfielder in the tackling sense, more in the Beckham against Northern Ireland sense.

Owen Hargreaves

45eachway's favourite England man did the job against Cameroon in a 2002 pre-World Cup friendly and didn't put a foot wrong. Hasn't put a foot right in the nearly 4 years since.

If England were 1-0 up against Brazil with 30 minutes to go who would you like to see come on and do the job? 45eachway's heart says Scott Parker, but the head knows it will be Hargreaves.

Source: Sky Sports